i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
