bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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