Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you had me at cake vodka
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
