How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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