I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Houston, we have a blender
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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