I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
