I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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