My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
