Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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