the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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