obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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