i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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