i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
