areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
