well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Semen is not good for contacts.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize