I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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