Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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