No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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