dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Come on in and take your pants off
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