I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the liver wants what the liver wants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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