I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We just shotgunned beers for America
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
