I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
