I have demons in me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
