so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
