I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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