just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
