put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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