i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
