i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
