I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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