my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
