Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
