Got a toothbrush?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there was a trapeze. enough said
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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