I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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