My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
