I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
