She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
