You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
