I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
