As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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