My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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