god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
