whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
