i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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