overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
