Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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