I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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