i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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