I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
