I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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