I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
