I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
