I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
