Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
