i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
