I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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