I'm really into asian looking animals
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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