so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
