i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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