I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
