yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
