somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
