We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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