Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
