I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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