you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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