You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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