I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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