If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
