So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
