Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to cum in my sink.
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