I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
