Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
