After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
