Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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