i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
